A Mother's Care

Danny, 65, and Mae, 64, are happily married with three adult children. They consider themselves fortunate that their children live close by and are thrilled to be able to see their children and grandchildren as often as they like. Although they both are in relatively good health, Mae has started to show signs of forgetfulness, which has Danny and his children concerned. After several appointments with specialists, Mae was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. This news was not only hard for Mae to accept, but for her family to as well. As their mother’s disease progresses, Danny and the children contribute to caring for her; helping her navigate through this new normal. This feels all too familiar to Danny, as it reminds him of what his father went through with his parents. His grandfather had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, which progressed very quickly, leaving the family no time to plan for his care, or decide who would handle his affairs when his wife was no longer able to do so.

While Mae still has her faculties and is fully capable of living independently, Danny has a conversation with her about how and where she would want to receive care when the disease becomes too much for Danny and the children to handle on their own. It is a difficult conversation to have, but Danny is determined to provide Mae with the care that she deserves. After discussing this with Mae, Danny seeks guidance from his Financial Advisor, who reminds him that they had both purchased a long term care policy a few years back. This policy would provide the resources that they will need to give Mae the in home care she wants when the time comes. The in home care would allow Danny and his children to spend quality time with Mae without worrying about how they would deal with the ongoing care this disease requires, while juggling their own responsibilities at home. After Danny discusses this with Mae, they decide it would be best to hold a family meeting, to communicate Mae’s future care and who would be appointed in the family as the caregiver responsible for managing and administrating that care, if Danny was to predecease her.

After careful consideration, Danny and Mae agree that the upcoming holiday, when the family will be all together, would be the ideal time to have this discussion. During that family meeting, Mae acknowledges that this is a difficult topic, and she expresses to the children that this is just a precautionary conversation but one she feels is very important to have. She communicates her wishes to the children, including her living arrangements, financial affairs and who will be designated as her caregiver/guardian if anything were to happen to Danny. Although the conversation was emotional for the children, the family felt prepared and confident with Danny and Mae’s intentions.

8 Years later – Danny unfortunately passes away. By that time, Mae had established a routine with her in home nurse, so even though it was a big adjustment not having Danny by her side, her family had clear directives on how to handle the situation. There was no confusion or arguing among the siblings over who was responsible for Mae’s care and how her future estate would be handled. The plan that Danny and Mae established early on, provided the children with confidence that their mother wishes were carried through as intended.